buzzling sound......over my head...

assalamuallaikum...

i'm busy today...need to do census, OT list and 'on call' tonight...but instead of typing my work, my head is buzzling around a death occurred today....

kematian yg betul2 beri keinsafan dan pengajaran pd saya..

i still remember a busy day about 3 weeks ago when i'm in high risk ward....i clerk 2 patient and both case makes a ring for me today...

1st case:
a 27y.o woman with twin pregnancy came in for BP stabilization which her BP that day was just 140/90..a cutting point for PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension)...i wonder myself...why my MO in clinic wanna refer this patient for ward admission with this kind of BP...dan pd hari tu katil full as byk admission...i clerk this patient and she is a really2 nice woman...i adore her humble face....until today...we have a good chat and i build a good rapport with her and her family...she was damn fine in the ward with good BP control

2nd case:
a 42y.o woman referred from hosptl taiping,,,having recurrent breast cancer with brain metastasize...she was so depress and dont wanna talk to anybody...she just sleep and dont wanna open her eyes when i 1st saw her  until i thought she was fainting or having hypoglycaemic attack...all history of the patient i got from the husband...who is a roti canai maker...and lost his job since his wife affected from the cancer..


and 1 fine day when i'm on call....my cancer patient's GCS drop and had symptoms of increase ICP...i prepare patient for emergency c-sec and booking ventilator for the baby...i tried my best not to cause another pain to the patients and family...alhamdulillah....for what i know when i meet the husband,she still alive eventhough she's in ICU now...

and today...when i reach hosptl in the morning...everybody were so kecoh about an emergency case...twin delivery which the 1st baby delivered at home and her second baby was delivered in A&E...she was having high BP which need hydralazine and MgS04 infusion and had massive bleeding until her Hb went down to 4...she develop sudden SOB and 9 pint of blood was transfused and she was sent to OT for hysterectomy to remove her uterus to stop the bleeding...i wasnt know....that it was my patient after i found out she's already died after 30 min of CPR......

what i regret is.....i did gave her hope when i saw her in ward....that she'll be alrite,when she was worried on her condition......i never expect anything bad gonna happen for her and the twins...who am i for saying 'dont worry.everything gonna b fine"...seperti da sure nothing gonna happen...and she believed me and gave me a relief smile...dengan izin Allah........the good outcome gonna happen....and dengan izin Allah....the bad thing can happen at sudden....i forgot and i remind myself today.....i wont give any hope to anybody for anything...cause i dont wanna hurt anyone anymore...:(

things happen tanpa disangka...sapa sangka pesakit yg ok,stabil finally temui ajalnya harini...and pesakit yg xstabil.....dengan peluang hidup yg kurang....masih bnafas hingga saat ni....Allah yg menentukan segalanya...Allah maha besar...allahuakbar...

i'm sorry for those who hurts because of me....because of my hope...because of my stupidity....because of my carelessness and because of my ignorance....:(
i'm sorry....:'(